6:00 'o' Clock a.m. and A Whole Lot of Reality

I know that I have been saying for weeks that I am going to do a wrap up post for the 6 'o' clock club.  I has been almost two months since we finished!  It has taken all this time to process and regurgitate the impact that this has had on my life.  I went into the 6 'o' clock club idealistically and with great expectations.

My expectations looked something like this:

(1) It's going to be hard (I am anything but a morning person), but it will be good.
(2) I will draw closer to Christ.
(3) My days will be filled with the joy of the Lord.
(4) I will have more time to prepare for the day and memorize scripture.
(5) I will be better equipped to take on the daily tasks of raising children and keeping my home.
(6) I will be a better wife, mother, friend...because of this.


And for a while, It seemed as if all was going to go according to the plan.  Here is a summary in texts.  You will notice that after day 17, the texts stop.

Day 1.  (6:00 am and all is well. –j) (Good Morning! Ready for nap time yet? – sn)

Day 2.  (Ugh, this one was tough! Fighting like a drowsy warrior; resisting the urge! – sn) (Stand your ground man! – j)

Day 4  (“This is the day that the Lord hath made; We will rejoice and be glad in it”. – sn)  (Anem Ha ha-amen! – j)

Day 8  (An new week and a fresh new day! – sn) (6:18 – Feeding Z at 6, just now getting to it. - )  – (good job!  It’s about the spirit of the law, not the letter =)  - (if you guys think about it, could you pray for me?  I’m getting really discouraged about the 6:00am club. – j) – (Praying! – sn) – (Sure will! –sk)

Day 9  Face book message (Back on the 6 'o' clock train, but I don't know where my phone is. Hope everyone has a great morning with the Lord! – j) (I was so disappointed this morning when I didn't get a call...I said extra prayers for you!! Glad to hear you are back! – sk) (I did ... I am loving doing this with you guys. Well, loving it and learning a lot through it as well! – e) (this has been great! Not great as in I've been up and at 'em and on top of everything every morning without a struggle or frustration, amazing myself with my own strength and abilities, but great in the motivation of fellowship, the correcting of my priorities and mindset, and the amazingness of really grasping God's grace and my utter dependence! – sn)

Day 10 (Hit the snooze a couple times, but I’m up! =) – sn)  (I woke up soaked with pee…not my own…or Greg’s. – j)  (empathetic LOL the day can only get better, huh?! – sn)  (I’m gonna assume so. :0) j)  – “Strength and dignity are her clothing and she smiles at the future”…even when pee-soaked =) – sn) – (Love it! See you later. – j)

Day 11 – (“In the morning when I rise give me Jesus/You can have all this world, give me Jesus.” – sn) (“You can take the world, just give me You!” – j)

Day 12 – (Bed is sooo comfortable this morning…But I overcame! =) – sn)  (I hear ya! Bless the Lord O my soul: and ALL that is within me Bless His holy name. – j)

Day 17 – (Mah! I said mah! – Chief Wiggem. - j)  (I need to start this day off right – jury selection this morning and elders visitation tonight (hey I rhymed!) –sn)  (Talk more later. – j) 

This is the part of the process where things began to go South.  I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but on day 17 something in me changed (a.k.a SNAPPED).  I was done!  I began to see myself for who I was, and I was not pretty.  The darkness that I had tried, desperately, to pretend was not there, reared its ugly head and punched me square in the face!  

I'll be the first to admit that I have always been a bit rebellious.  And those of you that know me well, you know that this is an understatement of magnanimous proportions.  But as I have "matured" I began to think that I had left my rebellion in my teens and twenties.  I even started to say things like "I used to be quite the rebel".  Had I known that my rebellion was merely hiding just beneath my imaginary pristine surface, I'm sure I would have kept my mouth shut.  I think that is the point though.  I was merely being careful and not striving to repent and be renewed.   

As the weeks wore on, I crawled deeper and deeper into my own dark heart.  I stopped getting up early, I stopped reading my bible and struggled to find words to even pray.  I scowled at my husband and barked at my children, phone calls to friends became fewer and fewer.  I cried a lot!  The mess in my heart spilled into a physical mess in my home.  Things were not pretty over here.  Sin is never pretty.  

Hosea 7:13-14

¹³ Woe to them,
       because they have strayed from me!
       Destruction to them,
       because they have rebelled against me!
       I long to redeem them
       but they speak lies against me.
 ¹⁴ They do not cry out to me from their hearts
       but wail upon their beds.
       They gather together for grain and new wine
       but turn away from me.


Then when I could take it no longer.  I let go.  I began to repent, day after day, sin after sin.  I fought long and hard, for what?...I'm not sure, but it was time to stop.  I began reading again and feasting on His Word like never before.   I cleaned up the house.  I realized that my children were not put on this earth just to make me miserable and I began breathe again!  


Hosea 6:1 
Come, let us return to the LORD
         For He has torn us, but He will heal us;
         He has wounded us, but He will bandage us.


Hosea 6:3


"So let us know, let us press on to know the LORD
         His going forth is as certain as the dawn;
         And He will come to us like the rain,
         Like the spring rain watering the earth."


So there it is.  In far more words than, I'm sure, were necessary, but many less than I wanted to use - My Journey from February 1st 2010 @ 6:00 a.m. to the next time I forget that I'm a Sinner.


-Forever humbled in His presence-

Psalm 37:4 - To Delight

Psalm 37:4 says: "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." (NIV)

Lately I have been struggling with who I am. I know that I am a wife, a mom, a daughter, a friend, a sister, an employee...just to name a few. My struggle comes in prioritizing these roles and responsibilities. Some days I want to be a mom and wife first, other days I want to be a friend first, and still other days I want to be an employee first.

I was asking myself last night: What does it mean to "delight" in the Lord? How do I delight in the Lord so that I can get the desires of my heart? I was really only interested in MY desires.

Then, this morning, I got to thinking: What are the desires of my heart? First and foremost, I desire to be the best wife and mom that I can be (with the help of the Holy Spirit, of course). I realized that I have confused my PLAN for my life with the desires of my heart. The verse does not read: "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will make your greatest plans a reality."

Regardless of what role I am in at any given time, I will try my hardest to seek God and "delight" in Him! Although I am still seeking for the true meaning of "delight," I can rest knowing that God has a plan for my life that includes giving me the desires of my heart, even those desires that are uknown to me or have yet to be awakened.

Sourdough - Whole Wheat Loaf

In my continued attempts at working with sourdough starter, I searched a (little) bit online and found this site: Sourdough Home . They had a whole wheat sourdough loaf that seemed to be pretty tasty and pretty simple. I wanted to try another recipe than my previous one. I just like to try new recipes, basically!

I followed the recipe exactly: excepting that I did not convert my starter to whole wheat. It only takes 3/4 c. of starter, and I figured that I was not selling my bread or advertising for anyone! Therefore, I would not be being dishonest in some shape or form. The only trick I found was that my rising times were considerably longer than suggested in the recipe. I think the first rise was about 3 hours, the second nearly 2, and the final one was at least 1 1/2 hours. Thankfully, I mixed my dough up at 8 a.m. this morning! The loaf finally came out of the oven at 3 p.m.! Lesson learned: if I make this again, I had better plan my time out and make sure I am just around the house or back in between rising time! In my limited experience, the rising times with sourdough starter just take a long time, no matter what the recipe.

I was so pleased with the appearance of the loaf! My mom came by to pick up half to share, and I must say, my vanity was a little bit stoked by her admiration of my bread. We split a slice right then and both enjoyed it. It definitely tasted "whole wheaty", but wasn't that the point? Sourdough Home has some other recipes I would like to try. But, I am also wanting to tackle a few in my checked-out copy of Peter Reinhart's book as well. It's going to be a month full of bread! If you all don't get tired of my bread baking posts, there might be several more to follow.

A Smoothie For Those Tri-ingTimes

Ahh, morning sickness...wait, that should be BLAH, morning sickness! Nothing sounds good. Nothing looks good. Let's not even talk about smells... You don't want to eat but you have to. If you feel full you feel sick. If you feel hungry you feel sick. The last thing you want to think about is food, yet all you can think about is food because if you don't eat soon you're going to get sick, so the desperate search for "what sounds even partially edible?!" begins. I can think of few tortures worse than having a constant forced loop of food options running through your head when the very thought of food, or the faintest whiff of it, lays you flat out.

There would have been a time in the very recent past where I wouldn't have been able to even type out many of these words, the subject matter of food was so precarious. Which direction would it send me running in? But praise the Lord for second trimesters! Feeling more energetic, and once again more appreciative of food, (Hello, Appetite! I thought you were gone for good.) I thought it might be nice of me to share the thing which helped me get through the earliest days (you know the ones, where you definitely feel different, but also hopeful that this might just be as bad as it gets. so naive...). It would be even nicer of me to share the thing which helped me get through the roughest patches, but there isn't anything. It just stinks. But I don't want to tell you that. I want to be nice. So I'm just going to share this:


Ingredients:
Banana
Vanilla yogurt
1 scoop Whey Protein Powder
Frozen Cherries (or whatever fruit sounds good at the moment)
Ginger- juiced (at least 1 tsp but don't go heavy until you've tried it- it's heavy stuff)
Fruit juice or milk

Toss it all in the blender and blend well.

The main thing is to get that protein in you to keep you going and baby growing. The yogurt and banana helps your stomach feel like there's actually something in it (without being too heavy) + good 'ol calcium and potassium, and the ginger should help everything settle. This is the first pregnancy that I've tried juicing ginger, and it really did help. I would put some in with my orange juice too on the days the orange juice sounded good. The trick is to prepare and juice the ginger in the earlier part of the first trimester while the thought of food prep is not revolting.

This worked wonderfully well for the first 3 weeks (perhaps for others out there it might last even longer depending on the intensity of morning sickness). I would put together whatever combination sounded good in the blender, drink it down, and be able to get through my morning actively and even hit the gym sometimes.

Maybe this recipe will come in handy for you some day. One way or the other, at least now you know where I've been and why I haven't posted anything for the past two months ; )

Sourdough - Part 2

Success! I babied (stirred, fed, covered, etc.) my starter for three days, as instructed. I found it slightly challenging to feed it as often as Old Sourdough instructed. I fell behind a couple hours here and there, but my starter did not seem to suffer. On Monday, I continued to follow instructions (not always my way of cooking/baking) with precision, and baked my first loaf! It came out pretty good! Simple recipe: 2 c. starter, 2 c. flour, 1 tsp salt. The loaf didn't rise quite as high as I might have liked, but I will see how my future loaves turn out.

I did use all-purpose flour, but I hope to add some whole wheat the next time. The crust was extra crunchy, and the inside warm and chewy. My egg wash was not exactly as beautiful as others' pictures that I looked at, so I'll have to see if I need to paint on more before baking the loaf. I imagine this will continue to be a learning curve. However, my true test was Eli: and he loved it. As mentioned in my previous post, my other loaves of bread with starters had not had the true "sour"dough bread taste, but he said this one did! I enjoyed it as well. We had it for dinner that night with egg salad (thank you, easter eggs), and enjoyed it as toast yesterday and this morning.

The recipe as listed above was Old Sourdough's: I haven't had the chance to do some searching and see what else is out there, but I imagine there are other tried and true ones to experiment with. And if anyone wants to share, my starter seems happy and bubbly, and quite sharable!