"From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded,
and from the one who has been intrusted with much,
much more will be asked." Luke 12:48
This afternoon as I was before the Lord, He used the verse to speak directly to me. The past several weeks have been a time of wrestling with the Lord. He is causing me to look within myself - at my sinful, fleshly, nature - and I don't like what I find. He is asking me to change. To give up things, to give up dreams and hopes, to allow more of His ways and thoughts to become planted and become a way of life, a way of daily living ... I feel as if I can't explain it clearly. But it truly has felt as if I were wrestling with the Lord, with myself.
But back to today. I have been given so much. A strong family, wonderful friends, a loving church, a heritage of Godliness, knowledge of HIM at a young age - and now ... He is going to ask of more from me. He is asking more of me. Demanding more from me - to give up more for His kingdom. His purposes. To die to myself in ways I haven't. To lay down my dreams and follow His.
This is both terrifying and freeing. No matter how often I say I want to do whatever God asks, the cost is there, and it is often so painful to my flesh. I must put to death my sinful desires and be willing to allow Him to change the desires of MY heart to become HIS desires for my life. It is not easy for me to put the desires for a larger house, secure finances, close friends, and many other dreams in His hands. My need to be in control bleeds through. But yet, my spirit wages war and is crying to "do it, surrender all, find true security in Him amidst your deepest fears".
It feels raw. It feels scary. My flesh isn't going down without a fight. But I want to be found in Him ... and as He asks more of me, that I can give it, only because He is of the highest value to me. I must press on. I must draw closer to Him.