Over the weekend, I have been pondering the fragility of life. Jonah, saddled with bronchitis, would wake up at all hours of the evening, night, dark night, wee morning hours ... you get the picture. Wake up coughing and hacking. Monday morning he woke up and just started gasping for air. I happened to be in the hallway right outside his door and heard his cries. Inside, he looked at me. And I saw so much fear and confusion in his eyes. He was trying to cough and breathe, but crying because his chest was so tight and he felt like he couldn't breathe. My mommy heart just broke for him as I propped him up and reassured him that everything was going to be okay. To calm down. To trust Jesus.
Not in a morbid way, but this reminded me of how fragile our lives really are. We're dependent on the fact that our heart must beat, our chest and lungs breathe, our body work according to God's plan. But we can't number our days. Later I thought, 'what if Jonah really couldn't breathe? i have no control over how many days God gives him!' God's ultimate control and plan is out of my control. And that actually makes me thankful! I can trust that His hands are bigger than mine, and that He holds our lives in them. Our lives are but "a breathe" as the Word says - may I use mine wisely and lovingly.
And treat my days as precious and as a gift. As I put Jonah down for his afternoon nap today, he asked if I would 'lay down and snuggle for just a minute'. I almost instinctly replied, 'you'll be okay, Mommy has things to do', but something stopped me. Probably the Lord! Why not take three minutes and snuggle? In a flash, he won't be wanting to snuggle with his mommy. Time will fly by and I'll look back and wish that I had slowed down enough to be there with my children. So I stopped. Laid down. Snuggled. And enjoyed every minute by him, watching his breathing slow, his eyes close, and his body relax and succumb to sleep.
Thank You, Lord. Thank You for the gift of life. For each day with Eli, with Jonah, and with Reuben. May I stop being so "doing" and "self" oriented and enjoy such rich gifts.